I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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