she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
