Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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