is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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