Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
