I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
