I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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