You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
