just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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