Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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