Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
