umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
