Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
