i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
