just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
two words: eviction party
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
