i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
