i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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