remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
