You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm gonna have a badass scar
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize