Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
