he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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