I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
