I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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