I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
