Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
