Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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