we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
