I must be too annoying 4 u.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
