Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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