i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
