Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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