you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
