Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
