Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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