i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
