Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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