I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
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i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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