apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
