you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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