my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just tell him i said nine months
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
