he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
