He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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