I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
