Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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