I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
