You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
