I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
