I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
