I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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