I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
