he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
