Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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