I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
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I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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