hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
