sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
