she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
