dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
