Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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