I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
