Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
