How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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