if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
