That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
